He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
