I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
