from now on my penis is your penis
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
