So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
