I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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