Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
