Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
