Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
