So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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