Kiss
Puke
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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