Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
