i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
