Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
