we have pet lesbian snakes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
