I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think i have two assholes
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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