Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
