Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
