Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
