So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
