My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
