WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
