You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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