this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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