Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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