So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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