Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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