I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
