very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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