By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
