A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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