spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
