fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
