i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
