There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
