What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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