Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
