dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
