there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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