Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Terrible idea I love it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
