I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
