She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
