is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize