first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
