At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
