Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
