I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
be right there i have to get my cape
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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