He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
