As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
