If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize