I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
