I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
