you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize