everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
