Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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