Where are you?
In a non slutty way
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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