White coat. Heels.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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