I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
