Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
