Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
