i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
