Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
