you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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