my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
