my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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